HABIT PROJECT
Blog

I remember a video I saw a few days ago where this guy was finaly realizing his dreams , the app he had been developing finaly started to make good money, yet at the same time he got diagnosed with cancer. He said that he felt his dreams and nightmares were happening simoultaneoulsy. Thats kind of how I feel right now. While I am on the brink of losing everything I also feel I am at the brink of gaining everything. I feel I could lose my mom in a emotional way because of our fight, and also my girlfriend is not happy since I have no money to pay for her stuff and now she will have to work. She is very upset with me right now. But in this kind of dire situation I also feel very hopeful of the future.

I have been practicing semen retention for the last maybe 2 months. It has made me much stronger. I feel without this strength right now I could be crumbling under all this pressures and negative circumstances. I am glad I did retain because I was very tempted to release recently. My new mantra that I keep saying when I am tempted, and considering a release, I tell myself, this was not the plan. This was not the plan. Then I tell myself, this is strength that I am going to need in the future. Well I am glad because even though everything seems to be crumbling, I feel quite Ok and strong. If you dont know about semen retention I sugest you research it, so you understand why I am doing this.

Anyway, aparently 16 people have checked my site, I wonder how many of those actualy read my blogs but I hope at least 1. If you are reading this, thanks. I hope you find this entertaining at least. I am using this website as a way to put my thoughts life etc, online where I know at least 1 person will read it. It just feels better that way versus writing in my journal and no one ever reading it. I think I have a lot of things to say, I have been wanting to write a book. I have this habit system I created that has revolutionized my life. I want to share it here, and hopefuly it can revolutionize peoples lifes. The idea is quite simple, you basicaly add a micro habit to your life daily, only 1, not more and not less. This bypases the minds resistance to change since basicaly 99% of your life remains the same , the rubberband snapback effect is not triggered. By doign this you slowly change your life but its permanent and quite easy and natural. The idea is that your day is only considered succesful if you complete 100% of your habits. This forces you to do them. You will do them because since you added one per day you learned how to do them and they became a habit. If you do not complete your habits then you cant add a new habit taht day , and have to repeat that day until you finish all of them, then you can add a new one the next day. This works amazingly. I will explain later.

Anyway thanks for reading. Have a great day. - APOC.


HABIT ADDED TODAY: HANDWRITING THERAPY ... This is not the normal type of handwriting therapy where you write down your emotions etc. This one is much different. The purpose is not to be therapeutic in the typical sense but to train your mind to not be sloppy. The idea is that you write as perfectly as you can , making sure your leters are perfectly done, this trains your mind to aproach everythign with the same care, makes you less sloppy in general. This has been used in secret projects thats how you know it works.

I had a big fight with my mom the other day. I am not sure how our relationship will heal after this. I feel very sad about this but in a way I also feel liberated somehow. I wonder how much I am a ¨son husband¨ to her and how much energy and stress she causes in my life. At the end she is my mother but this fight really put a big dark spot in my heart for her. This is not the first time she does something like this. I really wanted to give her princess treatment when I made it but after this it is going to be hard. It seems there is constant problems with her. My neverending help seems to be completely disregarded.

Anyway, I have been reflecting a lot in how I have had such bad experiences with people from my country. It seems the quality of people is very low and good people are few and far between. I have just had such a huge sample size of bad experiences that I can´t ignore it or give anyone another shot. I know this is not me since in other places I don´t have as much bad experiences. I am tired of people trying to gaslight me into saying that its me, when I know its not. I know its not because I am not the one fucking up, its them. Just seems this third world country where I am from the level of education and comon sense , maners, everything seems to be very low. Anyway, I am using this blog as a way to record my life and also somehow feel heard. Maybe someone can find some solace reading this. Its nice to know that at least one single person will read it. Anyway, I still have a lot of habits to do. I will sign of for now. - APOC.


HABIT ADDED TODAY: SQUAT TRAINING

As I was listening to Massive Attack´s Risingson while The Matrix played in the background I started to feel that these two fit together perfectly. Then I felt a very strong pressure from an unkown force to make this video. The feeling was as though this video had to be made and I was the only one that could make it, and it had to be done for some reason. I ´´decided´´ to do it. I thought about most of The Matrix tribute videos I have watched (many) and I realized most focus heavily of course on the kickass action and gunplay. So I decided to make mine less about that and more about the eerie, mystical, and metaphysical parts of the matrix. To do this I decided I would only use parts of the movie where there was no spoken dialogue. As I started to piece together the video, a lot of strange coincidences started to happen. Such as the song fitting very eerily with the video as I was doing it. One of the most obvious is the ´´cold mirror´´ line of the song while the broken mirror which neo touches who shivers as he is saying, ¨Its Cold!¨. Other ones are the line ¨Toy like people¨ as all the people in pods scene appears. ¨Nows about your going to leave all these good people.¨ as neo watches at all the people walking in the stree from inside the car as he is heading to see the Oracle. These and many others that you might spot yourself. I really did not plan most of these, I realized them later as I finished the video. As I was doing the video I felt guided somehow on to how the video was suposed to be, and as I was doing it everything just felt into place perfectly, even a few mistakes I made while editing which fit better than what I was doing before. It was very strange. Anyway, I finished the video in one day and it is done. I am very satisfied with how it came out. I hope you enjoy it.