HABIT PROJECT
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I talked to my mom yesterday and we had a very friendly conversation as if we didn´t fight a few days earlier. I think the 3 or so days we didn´t talk helped her chill out , and I guess it helped me also. Anyway it feels good to be not fighting with my mom. I feel miserable when I am in bad terms with her.

Besides that I have been very excited with the idea of going to live to Italy. I first thougth maybe Rome , then Florence, but after watching some videos it does seem extremely busy, and I decdied I wanted a smaller town. It is insane how many magical towns Italy has. I traveled there when I was younger and I was blown away by how many small amazing towns we found. All of italy is magical beauiful historic, postcard esque.

Today I have been feeling with a bit of low self esteem. I am wondering why I feel this way. I just feel like a loser sometimes. I don´t know if its because of my money situation, that does change a person quite a lot. Our ability to produce and survive is obviously central in our view of ourselves and how we feel in this world. I am glad though that I am doing well in my business starting, so I am feeling optimistic about the future.

Today I played some Perfect Dark in the nintendo 64. I am really enjoying playing these retro games. It is very satisfying and just a great nostalgia trip. I really have a kind of bad bias against anything too modern, I feel it has been contaminated by this post woke post covid world, I just don´t want anything to do with it. I like older games, just the vibes, the intentions behind them, everything about them feels more pure more real. I really hate this modern era basically in all ways. I even listen to old music only specificaly before 2005. I feel that after that just the world started its decline and of course right now we are basically in a free dive. This apreciation for ´retro´media etc, has kind of turned into a hobby in and of itself. I even like to read old magazines I bough off ebay, right now I am reading MONDO 2000 , which is a early 90s magazine about all the cyber , well let gpt describe it : Mondo 2000 magazine is best described as a wild, glossy publication that captured the spirit and aesthetics of cyberculture and the early digital revolution in California during the late 1980s and 1990s. It covered cutting-edge topics like cyberpunk, virtual reality, smart drugs, cybernetics, artificial intelligence, techno music, and cultural pranking, blending them with psychedelic and anarchist subculture. ¨ , So yea, fucking cool. I love reading these old mags, of what they were experiencing with the tech revolution and what things they were right about what they were wrong, and just the whole vibe from the ´scene´is fucking cool. Very Matrixy, hacker vibes. I also play my music in an old ipod classic generation 5.5 , every time I just do more thigns from the past, I just think the past was way cooler than the present, I mean its basicaly undebatable. Anyway thats it for now, thank you single soul for reading this post. I send you my blessings.

Have a great day. - APOC.


HABIT ADDED TODAY: WATCH 1 TV SHOW per day : I never seem to have the discipline and focus to watch at least 1 tv show per day, I know that sounds insane but , I am just too addicted to quick short form content media that watching a 25 minute TV show is something that feels like a chore. If thats not dystopic I dont know what is. Today I started Enteourage, a series I always wanted to see. I am not goign to force myself to watch the same series everyday, I guess I will just go with what I am feeling at the moment.

I remember a video I saw a few days ago where this guy was finaly realizing his dreams , the app he had been developing finaly started to make good money, yet at the same time he got diagnosed with cancer. He said that he felt his dreams and nightmares were happening simoultaneoulsy. Thats kind of how I feel right now. While I am on the brink of losing everything I also feel I am at the brink of gaining everything. I feel I could lose my mom in a emotional way because of our fight, and also my girlfriend is not happy since I have no money to pay for her stuff and now she will have to work. She is very upset with me right now. But in this kind of dire situation I also feel very hopeful of the future.

I have been practicing semen retention for the last maybe 2 months. It has made me much stronger. I feel without this strength right now I could be crumbling under all this pressures and negative circumstances. I am glad I did retain because I was very tempted to release recently. My new mantra that I keep saying when I am tempted, and considering a release, I tell myself, this was not the plan. This was not the plan. Then I tell myself, this is strength that I am going to need in the future. Well I am glad because even though everything seems to be crumbling, I feel quite Ok and strong. If you dont know about semen retention I sugest you research it, so you understand why I am doing this.

Anyway, aparently 16 people have checked my site, I wonder how many of those actualy read my blogs but I hope at least 1. If you are reading this, thanks. I hope you find this entertaining at least. I am using this website as a way to put my thoughts life etc, online where I know at least 1 person will read it. It just feels better that way versus writing in my journal and no one ever reading it. I think I have a lot of things to say, I have been wanting to write a book. I have this habit system I created that has revolutionized my life. I want to share it here, and hopefuly it can revolutionize peoples lifes. The idea is quite simple, you basicaly add a micro habit to your life daily, only 1, not more and not less. This bypases the minds resistance to change since basicaly 99% of your life remains the same , the rubberband snapback effect is not triggered. By doign this you slowly change your life but its permanent and quite easy and natural. The idea is that your day is only considered succesful if you complete 100% of your habits. This forces you to do them. You will do them because since you added one per day you learned how to do them and they became a habit. If you do not complete your habits then you cant add a new habit taht day , and have to repeat that day until you finish all of them, then you can add a new one the next day. This works amazingly. I will explain later.

Anyway thanks for reading. Have a great day. - APOC.


HABIT ADDED TODAY: HANDWRITING THERAPY ... This is not the normal type of handwriting therapy where you write down your emotions etc. This one is much different. The purpose is not to be therapeutic in the typical sense but to train your mind to not be sloppy. The idea is that you write as perfectly as you can , making sure your leters are perfectly done, this trains your mind to aproach everythign with the same care, makes you less sloppy in general. This has been used in secret projects thats how you know it works.

I had a big fight with my mom the other day. I am not sure how our relationship will heal after this. I feel very sad about this but in a way I also feel liberated somehow. I wonder how much I am a ¨son husband¨ to her and how much energy and stress she causes in my life. At the end she is my mother but this fight really put a big dark spot in my heart for her. This is not the first time she does something like this. I really wanted to give her princess treatment when I made it but after this it is going to be hard. It seems there is constant problems with her. My neverending help seems to be completely disregarded.

Anyway, I have been reflecting a lot in how I have had such bad experiences with people from my country. It seems the quality of people is very low and good people are few and far between. I have just had such a huge sample size of bad experiences that I can´t ignore it or give anyone another shot. I know this is not me since in other places I don´t have as much bad experiences. I am tired of people trying to gaslight me into saying that its me, when I know its not. I know its not because I am not the one fucking up, its them. Just seems this third world country where I am from the level of education and comon sense , maners, everything seems to be very low. Anyway, I am using this blog as a way to record my life and also somehow feel heard. Maybe someone can find some solace reading this. Its nice to know that at least one single person will read it. Anyway, I still have a lot of habits to do. I will sign of for now. - APOC.


HABIT ADDED TODAY: SQUAT TRAINING

As I was listening to Massive Attack´s Risingson while The Matrix played in the background I started to feel that these two fit together perfectly. Then I felt a very strong pressure from an unkown force to make this video. The feeling was as though this video had to be made and I was the only one that could make it, and it had to be done for some reason. I ´´decided´´ to do it. I thought about most of The Matrix tribute videos I have watched (many) and I realized most focus heavily of course on the kickass action and gunplay. So I decided to make mine less about that and more about the eerie, mystical, and metaphysical parts of the matrix. To do this I decided I would only use parts of the movie where there was no spoken dialogue. As I started to piece together the video, a lot of strange coincidences started to happen. Such as the song fitting very eerily with the video as I was doing it. One of the most obvious is the ´´cold mirror´´ line of the song while the broken mirror which neo touches who shivers as he is saying, ¨Its Cold!¨. Other ones are the line ¨Toy like people¨ as all the people in pods scene appears. ¨Nows about your going to leave all these good people.¨ as neo watches at all the people walking in the stree from inside the car as he is heading to see the Oracle. These and many others that you might spot yourself. I really did not plan most of these, I realized them later as I finished the video. As I was doing the video I felt guided somehow on to how the video was suposed to be, and as I was doing it everything just felt into place perfectly, even a few mistakes I made while editing which fit better than what I was doing before. It was very strange. Anyway, I finished the video in one day and it is done. I am very satisfied with how it came out. I hope you enjoy it.